Blog 1. The Trauma

Where it all began. The car accident will be broken down into a few posts; there is so much to talk about and I don’t want it to be too overwhelming or too long of a read. I also did this for myself because no matter how many times I tell this story, it still wearies my soul.

They say everything happens for a reason, and I do believe that. Every action has a reaction, and the universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in is always sending us signs along the way to keep us safe or guide us in some way, as long as we know to acknowledge the signs that is. Well, the universe sent me a sign, a warning if you will, only at the time, I did not see it like that. I saw it as an annoying workplace incident followed by all the paperwork that comes with it. Hindsight really is 20/20, and looking back now, I know the universe tried to keep me away from work that day, tried sending me the signs, and I didn’t listen.

I am a nurse, and I intend on making another post about that soon, but for now, just know I loved that job more than life itself at times, so much I almost gave my life up for it. I worked rurally, which means a small but busy hospital. This was back in the early fall of 2020 when Covid-19 was really hitting our hospitals hard. Staffing was, and will probably always be, an issue in hospitals, but you can imagine how short-staffed we were during that period. I was on my stretch of nights, three back-to-back 12-hour night shifts. It was an easy three shifts because I was truly blessed in the work-family department, and my night team was always solid. On August 16th, I went to work. We had a patient in the ER we were monitoring because they were in a state of delirium and in 2-point hand restraints for their safety. Keep in mind, on nights we operate with only three nurses and one healthcare aide for the whole hospital. The patient’s family was bedside but had to use the restroom. One of my colleagues was on a break, the other down the ward with the HCA assisting. When the family member left, I went to monitor the patient in the ER and they started calling out for water. I approached the bed, explaining who I was and that I was walking up beside the bed, trying not to startle them since they were lying completely flat and I assumed could not see me. I explained I was going to grab their water off the bedside table, and just as soon as I said that, this very tall human, twice my size, drew their legs up and kicked me so hard in the stomach both my feet came off the ground and I fell on my butt and slid towards the door. Like they do in the cartoons if someone gets kicked by a horse. The wind was knocked out of me, and I laid there for a moment composing myself before I started yelling for help. After help arrived, the patient was taken care of and settled, I got a quick once-over by the doc on shift, who was more like a work dad and mentor to me. He suggested I stay home for my next shift. I was considerably sore already but finished my shift and went home. After some sleep, I struggled to roll out of bed, still pretty sore from the incident the night before. Once I was on my feet, I was mostly fine, just felt like sore, pulled muscles. But I saw my shift for that night hadn’t yet been picked up. They called out for another nurse, and I knew the wards were full, but nothing. Shifts were hard to cover as it is, never mind nightshifts. As a new nurse, I wanted to prove myself in any way I could, that I was reliable, and that my team could count on me. Plus being Covid short-staffed was not something I wanted my work friends to endure over some sore muscles. Ryan told me to stay home, that I shouldn’t be going to work the way I was. To which I replied, “Oh, I’m fine once I’m up. I don’t lay down on shift. I’ll be fine.”

See, looking back now, I know this was my sign, my warning. This was the universe trying to keep me home on August 17th, 2020. I ignored my gut feeling (no pun intended), which I know not to do, so that only further pisses me off about all this. I went in against everything I was being told and felt because I wanted to show up and be there for my team and friends. The last shift I worked was unremarkable, and dare I say, boring, felt like I had my “I told you so moment” for Ryan, only he got his.

The last memory I have as a nurse in that hospital, the way I would have been remembered, or I hope anyway, was laughing at the nursing station with some of the best work friends and family a person could hope for. We were probably laughing at my expense because if a person could do or say something embarrassing, it’s me lol. I remember walking outside, the sky crystal clear, not a cloud to be seen, the air crisp on this early fall day, but the sun was already warm so I just knew it was going to be a beautiful day. To this day every time I smell dew on a crisp morning day I am transported back to that morning. I vividly remember planning out a short sleep once I got home just so I could enjoy the afternoon outside with Ryan. Only I never made it home.